THE 4TH PILLAR MAN
by Emperor Plumpatine
Summary: You were expecting Santana, BUT IT WAS ME, DIO! Feat gest co-author Tenkai
1. Chapter 1

THE 4TH PILLAR MAN

BY EMPRROR PLUMPATINE AND TENKAI

Imn Jojo verse, Dio wanted to be vanpire but toe be vampire to be asshole to jojo but he secretly love ike brother from mother mother but not in sexual way. I MUST BE ASSHOLE BUT SO HARD dio cri. then jojo do the most sacreligious thing: he ate dio's imported rice puuding from secret trip togethet r santorini where minaon civ flousirshed intom proopseity, and dio and jojo make secret pact in Minoan gogo bar cause minaon womena re toopless. but diiiiioo was mad jojo ate his rice pussing, and he schream in agony at top of trachea, and jojo say "DIO IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW IF WAS YOURS" AND dio say "NO WE MAKE MAKE PACT AND THEN YOU REMEMBAR I WAS FULL FROM GYROPSPERE SO I COULD FINISH PUDDING SO I TAKE DANNYBAG TO GO" and dio strom off and to make him fel better he out on stoen mask from aliexpress of pakistan outlet!

And diiio put on stone mask but nothing happen, because dio still feel remorse. so dio call help phoen # and mario answer phone. and dio ask I NEED HAALP AFOR STONE MASK NO WORK! and mario say PLEASE HOLD YOU BOUGHT MASK FROM CHEAP KNOCKOFF SITE I PUTTA YOU ON HOLD FOR BROWSER and dio hear french vA from spengebab say 30 MINUTES LATER and bowser cum and say YOU NEED TO READ ENCLOSED INSTRUCTION STONE! and dio read instruction stone and say hee need 9v battery to power mask. But 9v battery was not invnet yet, so DIO in order to skip preorder ask Lucca from Chrono TargetingScope to buiild time machien so he could get 9v battery!

So he improvised by putting 9v battery in chest like iornd man, and put mask on, and become ultimate vampire biut no sparkle like gay fuel pattinson cause he is stupid but he did shine cuase FABULOUS MAX GREY!

BUT THEN Pilar mena breka out of jojo basement and WAMMU say YOU STOLE OUR LOOK DIO!and kars recognize mask from childhood caus eit was gift from sister ninaalexander before she go off to war of 1812 with her komerade lassie and kars say YOU STOL OUR MASK and acdc laugh at top of head and say PATHETIC PLEB YOU MOUST BE THUNDERSTRUCK WITH HIGH VOLTAGE TO MUSE MASK NOT NOT SIMPLE 9V BATTERY!

But then dio remember HE HAD HAIR APPT! and run off like loony toons roadrunner to hair saloon, and pillar follow likey wildee coyote but smart! At oingo boingo hair salon , where dio enjoy hair pampering na d drying and he got lightbulb, and ate it an recovered memory and LUCIUS FAXX send talking fax-o-gram and oingo say "DIO YOU HAVE FAX!" and diiiio say NANI READ IT TO ME! but he could cause morgan freeman voice overdub and spoke to him saying DIO YOU ARE PILLAR MAN OF 4! YOU MUST CREATE FAB FOUR PILLAR MAN BEATLES ROCK BAND!

TO BE CONTINUED?


	2. Chapter 2

TEH 4TH PILLAR MAN! PART THE DOS

iT WAS MODERN AHGE SO DIO PURCHAZED DLC AND PILLAR MAN AND BOOM HE WAS PILLAR MAN THEN HE SAYLS OFF ONTO HIROZON ONTO GINAT BLOCK OF CHEESE NAMES sOACE bATTLESHIP yAMATO.

more is coming!4realz


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPAPTER 3

But themn DIO realize that pillar man or any dlc doesn't work in 1909 cause he had no wifi. so dio use enhanced vampire breian to buld vampire supercomputer out if blood and potates, and dio send email to gabe newell in the future, saying,

"Dear Gabe newell,  
you were expecting will gates but it was me , DIO! no but realli, i cannot get internet for my pilar men dlc to work, like wtf. Plz send wifi crews to The joestar Estate, 121 Britishscone way, london, england, Britan, 1909. OR I TURN ALL YOU R FAMILY INOT VAMPIRE SLAVES!"  
-DIOOOOOOOOOO"

2 days later, Gabe reply,

"HiDio,  
the odds of me creating internet back in tiem till 1909 are the same as half life: 3 and haf ever coming out. sorry brah lolololololololz  
-GabeN"

"DAMN YOU GABEN!" SCREAM DIO SIO loud that hirohiko araki heard him while doing fitness in japan in the present, and sey "really jump? I have to wroite NAOHTER DIO ressurection arc? can't i ressurect funny valentine or kars for once?" And S JUMP EDITOR sei "Finns want more DIOOOOO nwo write more about dio!" so araki stop jouggsting and write MOAR DIO.

menwhile DDIO WAAS looking for pillar men to find secret pillar science to become pillar men teh olsckool way. but mrogan freieiman say to dion in his minds eye "dio you dont need pillar men science, what you need is batman science, but batman will not halp you cause you are evil, so you need to disquise yourself as new robin, learn secrets, then you can become 4th pillar men!" of course! say dio "batman only works at nightt so I can work WAIT A MINUTE I AM EVIL AND CANNOT HELP RANDOM GHTOAMITES IN NEED CUS THEY ARE WEEK HUMANS!~" then lightbulb appear over dios' head and he say "I KNOW! I WILL ASK RA'S AL GHUL! maybe lazarus pit can help"

so dio go to EAGU OF SHADOWS VBASE and find ninjas and they attack, but he easily block and kill some, then ra's and talia jump in, and dio say "wait i hear you have secret technology of lazarus pit. can i swim to become 4th piklar men? and ra's say in liam nieson voice, "first you must oprove yourself as member of league of ahsows!" i can easily kill and assinate! at knight" say dio,bt ra's counter "ya see i am working to evn human overpopulation and overdevlopemnt, so you must help heal planet first before i trust you with secrets of league" and he motion to polluted beach where ninja trainees were cleaning up human gothamit filth, and dio scream FUCCCCKKK! I HATE HUMANS BUT DON;T LIKE NATURE TOO! and he run back in time to joestar estate…


End file.
